


Even Devils Cry

by jumble_of_fandoms



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: 3.24 Coda, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Season 3 Finale, devil reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-05-07 19:00:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14677425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jumble_of_fandoms/pseuds/jumble_of_fandoms
Summary: Lucifer turns away from Cain, revealing his true self to Chloe. Her fear drives him away, and he loses himself in guilt that only she can pull him out of. Will Chloe completely abandon him? Or is there a chance she can accept him, Devil's face and all?Season 3, Episode 24 coda.





	Even Devils Cry

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is based on a prompt I found by Tumblr user harleybruce
> 
> They have been super chill about me using their prompt and have been anxiously awaiting this fic. You guys should check them out, they seem pretty awesome!
> 
> Beware, angst abound.

“Detective?” Lucifer asks, voice full of confusion. Chloe has never looked at him this way before, face full of fear and terror. “It’s me...why are you looking at me like...”

Chloe takes another step back, stumbling. Lucifer reaches out for her but stops when her breath catches. Her eyes widen even more and Lucifer lowers his arm. “It’s all true,” she whispers again and Lucifer finally understands.

“You believe me now?” His voice is soft, and he takes a small step towards her. “That’s good, Detective. That’s really good. I’m not sure why all of the sudden but we can’t talk about it.”

Chloe shakes her head, hand raising up to her mouth. Lucifer sighs, confusion building. He starts to walk towards her again, but she takes another step backwards. her heel catches the bottom step and she loses her balance, falling onto the steps. Lucifer stops, not knowing what to do. With Linda, he just left but that was because she was in so much shock from his Devil’s face....

“Wait, it can’t be...” Lucifer ponders out loud. He looks around the loft, spotting the edge of a mirror in the corner of the room. he makes his way over to it, thoughts spiraling.

It’s can’t be back....

But it is.

Lucifer can only stare at himself. His eyes roam over his newly burnt face, taking in all of the craters and marks. His heart pounds in his ears and he can’t catch his breath anymore. If his face is back, then...

“I’m a monster....” He catches Chloe’s eye in the mirror and feels his face heat up in an entirely different way. Looking up, his wings spring out and he takes off. A few moments later, he lands on the roof of his penthouse, knowing he can’t go in, not yet. Looking over the edge, he sees Ella looking over the city from his balcony.

He wants to scream, throw something, but instead, he only sinks to the ground, leaning his back against the edge of the roof. He holds his hands out in front of him. His eyes once again roam over the charred flesh and after a few moments, he closes his eyes, burying his face in them. Why now? Why would his face be back now of all times...?

_You killed a human...._

_You killed a human and forced them to be guilty..._

_You sent someone to Hell..._

“No...” Lucifer whispers as his thoughts swirl around in his head, voices forcing him to relive those final moments with Pierce.

_You will always be the monster you like to pretend you aren’t...._

Lucifer’s fingers scrabble over his skull, looking for a purchase, something to hold on to, but it’s only charred skin. His anger starts to build again, but this time, it’s only aimed at himself. He’s always said he was a monster, but having this back... For once, he had started to finally believe maybe he wasn’t...

“Ella you coming?” Dan’s voice carries up to the roof. Lucifer’s spiral pauses as he listens to them. “Chloe just called, they found Pierce. I was going to head over.”

“Sure thing,” Lucifer hears Ella reply, and it isn’t long before he gets up to look over the edge of the roof once more. He hears Ella’s boots move across the marble flooring and waits until he is sure they are both gone.

Sighing, Lucifer jumps down, landing gracefully on the balcony. He flinches, wings moving awkwardly behind him. They are ruined, holes and bullets on almost every surface, but Lucifer knows they should eventually hear on their own. Especially now that he’s away from Chloe.

_Chloe..._

Her face swims in front of him, still so full of fear at seeing his true self. Lucifer slowly walks over to his bar, grabbing the nearest bottle. It’s half empty, he notices vaguely, and he thinks, briefly, that Dan must have found it at some point. Ella will keep him safe though, and Lucifer soon puts it out of his mind.

Grabbing a glass, he fills it with the amber colored liquid and raises it to his lips. Just as he is about to take a sip, he catches his reflection in the mirror behind the bar. He lowers the glass slightly, staring hard at himself, relearning his face. Before he knows it, his anger is building again and he suddenly can’t stand to look at himself any longer.

The glass flies from his fingers, thrown with as much force as he can muster. It sails through the air and connects with the glass of the mirror. The glass isn’t strong enough to completely break it, however, and Lucifer watches as cracks start to spider across the surface. Lucifer still stars at himself in the broken glass, his image staring back in pieces at him. With a cry of rage, he throws the whiskey bottle, putting as much effort into it as he can, and glass rains down on him. A wing moves instinctively to cover his face and some of his rage turns to pain as the glass opens new wounds.

Fresh blood drips onto the floor around him as Lucifer lowers the wing. They shuffle against his back and Lucifer finally rolls his shoulders, putting them away. It takes less effort now than it did when he was fighting Pierce, but he grits his teeth against the pain all the same.

With his own reflection no longer staring back at him, Lucifer grabs another bottle, pours another glass, and decides drinking his problems away has always worked before. Why not this time too?

The next few days pass by in a blur. Lucifer is drunk through most of it, having ingested almost all of the alcohol housed within the building. Linda calls him at some point, but the conversation doesn’t last long. She quickly realizes he’s entirely far too out of it to get anywhere and tells him to call back if he ever decides to sober up. Lucifer hurled his phone across the room after that call, losing it somewhere in the mess growing in his penthouse.

More than once, someone tried to stop by, but Lucifer has the door locked. Benefit of being the owner of the building, being able to lock the elevator doors whenever he feels like it. A week into his decent, a rational part of Lucifer tries to get him to come to reason, but Lucifer only shoves it aside, more than happy to act as if everyone is against him.

Eventually, however, the alcohol runs dry, and Lucifer quickly sobers up. Looking around his place, he grimaces. Glass litters every surface, the remains of his anger and self hatred every time he manages to catch a glimpse of himself.

For days now, he’s tried to force the face away. Tried to find his human face beneath the charred skin. It never returns though, and Lucifer does his best to ignore the panic that is slowly building in him.

What if his face never returns?

Instead of facing the very real possibility head on, Lucifer just does everything he can to ignore his reflection.. Does everything he can to not have to look at himself. After a few days of sobriety, locked alone in his penthouse, Lucifer remembers his conversation with Linda and feels his heart sink even more.

She’s always been there for him. Always been so supportive, even after learning the truth. If nothing else, Lucifer knows he needs to at least apologize to her. It takes some digging and eventual cleaning, but Lucifer finally finds his phone, lost between couch cushions. It’s dead, so he plugs it in, sitting on the edge of his bed as he waits for it to have enough of a charge to turn on. The small screen flickers to life in his hands, but before Lucifer can unlock it to call Linda, it starts buzzing in his hand.

Lucifer can only watch as message after message pops up on the screen. Missed calls, texts, voicemails... All from those that are closest to him. When his phone finally calms down enough for him to unlock it, he scrolls through the texts, only really glancing at them, but they all have a similar theme.

“Are you ok?”

“Where are you?”

“Let us in, Lucifer.”

“Why aren’t you answering?”

“Please, just let us know if you’re ok...”

Lucifer contemplates throwing the phone again, but this time, because of his own stupidity. He never once thought of the people he would be hurting by disappearing. Never once thought that they would even care....

A drop lands on the phone screen and he raises a hand to his cheek. Apparently, even the Devil can cry....

He gives himself a minute, taking a few shaky breaths. He waits until he feels calm enough to talk without all the emotion he’s feeling showing in his voice. Once he’s absolutely certain, he scrolls through his contacts until he reaches Linda’s number. He clicks it and puts it on speaker once the call start to go through. It only takes a single ring for her to answer.

“Lucifer!” Linda breaths out. “Oh my...you’re alive! Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick about-”

“Doctor,” Lucifer says softly. Even though he’s tired to push it aside, his voice still breaks on the single word and Linda immediately stops. Lucifer takes a steadying breath. “Doctor, I need you.”

“I’ll be there,” is all Linda says before the line goes dead. Lucifer stars at his phone, not really looking at it. He’s overcome by it all, and it’s all too much for him.

The sound of the elevator rising finally snaps him out of it. He hasn’t moved since he called Linda and his legs are stiff when he does finally stand up. He is...grateful she has come, but he’s also terrified, he realizes. He knows he has to tell her the truth and he’s terrified by how she’ll take it.

Lucifer finally makes his way over to the elevator doors and turns the key that will unlock them. It dings immediately and as the doors slide open, Lucifer braces himself.

“Lucifer,” Linda exclaims as soon as the doors open, and she starts to walk towards him.

Lucifer can only watch as her face turns to one of shock, as her footsteps stall as soon as she teaks in his appearance. He can almost pinpoint the exact moment where she tries to put a wall up, but they both know it’s already too late. “Hell, Doctor....” Lucifer whispers, and when she hears his voice, hears all the sadness he held on the phone, she reaches out for him and pulls him close.

Lucifer can’t help but be shocked when her arms wrap around him. It takes him a moment, but he does end up wrapping his own arms around her, allowing himself to just... feel. To just feel sad and be sad and be cared about for however long it will last.

He eventually pulls away and Lucifer releases him. “Are you ok?” She asks, looking up at him.

She’s asking as a friend. Lucifer can’t even hear her “Doctor voice.” “Physically, yes.” Is all he can manage to tell her. His face falls, cracking as she watches him. “I can’t make it go away...”

Linda only gives him a sad smile before holding her hand out to Lucifer. After a few moments, he takes the offered hand and allows himself to be led away to the couch. Linda doesn’t say anything, doesn’t ask what happened. Instead, she just sits him down, continuing to hold his hand, as Lucifer finally gives himself a chance to actually grieve.

Linda ends up staying for quiet some time. She tells him all about Maze and how Pierce was holding her captive. This instantly makes Lucifer feel like an ass, since he honestly hadn’t noticed her missing with everything that had been happening, but he keeps this to himself. Linda eventually invites Maze over, and Lucifer knows she is just hoping it will make Lucifer feel better. When Maze arrives, the two immortals stare at each other. An entire unspoken conversation passes between the two of them before Maze finally sits down on the couch on Lucifer’s other side and the three of them pass the night eating ice cream Maze brought with her.

Lucifer wants so badly to ask about Chloe, knowing that she would have told someone by now. He pushes thoughts of her away every chance he gets, but she keeps on coming back. Neither Linda nor Maze bring her up either and Lucifer doesn’t know if he should be grateful or not for that... After staying a whole night, Lucifer finally tells the women what happened that day at the penthouse, knowing he owes them at least that much...

“So all of this, if because you feel guilty for killing Cain?” Linda asks, and Lucifer can tell she has switched to being in full doctor mode.

“I don’t really think it’s about killing him....” Lucifer replies. “At that point, all I was worried about was protecting Chloe, since it was pretty obvious he wasn’t going to stop. No, I think this is because I truly feel like a monster for sending him to Hell...”

“What does that even mean.” Maze demands from behind the bar. She’s digging through all of the cabinets, hoping to find at least one bottle Lucifer missed. “You can’t send people to Hell, people can only send themselves to Hell.”

Lucifer sighs, knowing she is right, but also knowing he is right about his own actions. “What does she mean?” Linda asks.

He takes a deep breath before starting. “When people go to Hell, it is because they are guilty about something. Guilty enough to torture themselves for the rest of eternity over it. It’s based on your own self worth, really.” Lucifer starts. He looks to Linda, who nods along, before continuing. “Pierce was going to die guilt free, so he would essentially have ended up in heaven. After all of the killing, all of the lying, the stealing... After all of it, he had no regrets, nothing to feel guilty over, so no reason to go to Hell.”

“So you’re saying that even though he literally committed the first murder, there was a possibility he would have ended up in heaven?” Linda asks and Lucifer can hear the disbelief in her voice.

“Yes, quiet a messed up system, isn’t it?” Lucifer tells her with a hint of his old humor poking through. He takes another deep breath, ashamed of the next part of his story. “The only issue is, I made sure Pierce had guilt. I made sure he knew that Charlotte was innocent, that she was just someone who should still be alive right now if it wasn’t for him, and that all of this was on his hands. He died with that guilt, and I did it to him...And I didn’t even care....”

Lucifer looks down, too ashamed of his actions to even look Linda in the eyes anymore. His final words ring true; he enjoyed killing Cain, enjoyed finally behind rid of the man who had made his last year a nightmare. Enjoyed killing the man that tried to kill the most important person in the world to him...

“I brought this on myself...” he whispers. Linda reaches out for him, her hand landing on his gently, but when Lucifer sees the difference, her skin and his flesh, he pulls away from her. “I did this to myself, I...I really am the monster I keep telling everyone I am.” He’s breathing hard now and when Linda goes to touch him again, he pulls away from her, from the couch. He’s spiraling again, and the rooms spins around him and...

“Snap. Out of it.” Hands land on his shoulders and Lucifer is forced to stare into Maze’s eyes. She glares at him, nostrils flaring and Lucifer can only stare back at her. “We’ve both been used by that man. But he’s gone now. Stop letting him control you.”

Lucifer knows she is right. At least, part of him does. And while he eventually nods, if only so she will let him go, the feelings do not leave him. He brought all of this on to himself and there nothing he can do about it now. He really is a monster, really is the Devil, and there’s no going back now...

Linda and Maze stay for a while, several days in fact, doing everything they can to cheer him up, trying to make him feel like himself. Lucifer appreciates it. Not having to be alone with his own thoughts for however long all of this lasts, it’s a relief. But all too soon, life calls, and Linda has to get back to the real world, back to work. He gives her a sad smile, knowing that he can’t monopolize her for forever, and gives her a parting good bye hug, complete with promises to charge his phone and not ignore her calls again.

Maze ends up leaving with Linda, suddenly very keen on protecting the woman. Lucifer can only smile at her as well, knowing that Maze is going through her own struggles. He hasn’t been there for her lately, and he knows that a lot of what happened between her and Pierce falls on his shoulders, but he let’s it be a conversation for a different day. Maze is...complicated, and the more space he gives her sometimes, the better.

His apartment is soon empty, with only himself standing near the elevator. He thinks about turning and looking around at his home behind him, but soon thinks differently. Checking his pocket to make sure his phone is still actually there, he walks into the elevator once it makes its way back up to the penthouse. He selects the floor for Lux and takes the long trip down the building.

Once he reaches the club level, he walks over to the piano that takes center stage on the dance floor. A fine layer of dust covers the ebony lid, but Lucifer throws his suit jacket on it all the same, no longer really caring. He sits down on the piano bench, fingers brushing over the keys. His head is bowed, eyes searching for something that isn’t there. Something he doesn’t know if he will ever see again. Music notes flit by in his mind, but nothing makes its way down to his hands and he can only continue to stare at the soundless keys beneath his burned hands.

There....

Boots on the floor, creating a rhythm that only she could make...

He really and truly has lost it if he’s imagining that, now.

Chuckling, Lucifer puts both of his arms up on the top of the piano, hanging his head between them. He’s never felt so defeated. He was only trying to save her, only trying to keep her from dying. He was protecting her. Guarding her. And yet...

Hot tears drip from his face as Lucifer wrestles with himself, with his own guilt and what he’s done. He’s killed a human. Granted, this one truly deserved it, but he’d broken the one rule even he has never felt right breaking. On top of that, he sent this human to Hell. Became the being everyone already thought the Devil was and now he’s stuck this way, possibly for forever. His shoulders shake as he loses himself to the grief that he has tried to keep locked away, finally accepting that he’s lost whatever chance he had at humanity, at being something good for once in his existence...

“Lucifer...”

Now, that’s just cruel... Boots were one thing, but her voice..? Lucifer raises his head, fully intent on yelling at his own mind’s creation to bugger off, but stops when he catches a glimpse of her. The real her, standing right there in front of him.

“Lucifer,” she says again, voice soft.

The fear.... The shock.... Both are still there, but Lucifer sees concern and worry written into every line of her face. The emotions mix and Lucifer can’t help but want to do something...say anything...to get them to go away, but he doesn’t know how anymore....

She pads closer to him, steps cautious as if she can sense his anguish. She reaches out, hand tentatively stretching for one of his that still rest on the piano lid. Lucifer’s eyes move to her fingers, watching as they finally rest on top of his, and when she doesn’t pull away, he releases a breath he didn’t even know he was holding.

“Detective...” he breaths out, and everything in him cracks. “Chloe...” He tears his eyes away from their hands and looks back up at her. Chloe returns his gaze and continues to slowly move towards him, as if she’s afraid he will run again if she moves too fast.

“Hey,” she says gently. “You have had us all worried, you know... I’m sure Linda has already read you the riot act, but.....” She stops, words faltering.

Lucifer knows he must look like a sight. A charred, burned face, dripping in tears that he can feel racing down what remains of his cheeks. He can’t stop them, doesn’t really even understand why they are happening. Chloe moves closer and reaches out with her free hand. Lucifer braces himself, eyes flicking away from her face, but when she only brushes his tears away softly with her thumb, a choked gasp leaves him.

“Oh, Lucifer...” Chloe mumbles before finally closing the distance between them. Lucifer feels her arms wrap around him and his head is soon pressed against her chest. In this position, he finally lets go. He lets go of all the pain and sorrow he has felt over the last week. Lets go of the fear of never seeing Chloe again. Lets go of the visions of seeing her dead in his arms as bullets rain down upon them....

Chloe holds him through it all, hand rubbing over his shoulder. He clings to her, needing to know that someone, even if just for a moment, gives enough of a damn to just let him cry. Linda tried to push him to this edge, but Lucifer now realizes that the only one who could ever get this kind of response out of him is standing right next to him and the realization only makes his chest ache even more.

He cries for a long time, until he can hardly catch his breath. Until Chloe’s shirt is well and truly ruined, but she only keeps holding him, knowing he needs time. When he does finally pull away, she ends up sitting next to him on the bench. She doesn’t say anything, and Lucifer watches as her hands land gently on the keys of the piano. She plucks out a few notes from the tune they played together what feels like a life time ago now, and Lucifer can’t help but stare at her, determined to memorize her in this moment.

“I honestly can’t believe you’re here...” he brings himself to say, not daring to catch her eye.

Chloe sighs. “I can’t really believe it either, if we are being completely honest. I still don’t really know what to think about all of this, but I’m....processing.”

Lucifer can only nod, head bowing once more. “It’s all my fault. If I hadn’t made Pierce guilty over what he had done...”

“Yes, Linda filled me on your theory,” Chloe interrupts. “There’s something you’re missing, though. Something she knew you would believe only if it came from the right person.” She waits, words hanging between them, until Lucifer finally picks his head back up enough to look at her. “You see, you can’t create guilt in someone. You can only bring it to light, make them see it themselves.”

Lucifer can only tilt his head at her, confusion furrowing his brow. “I think I know how guilt works, Detective.”

“No, you know how guilty people work, but guilt itself is tricky. You see, if I had only believed you from the get go, none of this would have happened, and I would be able to sleep at night.” Chloe’s voice gains an edge to it and Lucifer feels himself pulling away from her again.

“I’m giving you nightmares, then..” Lucifer mutters out, completely obviously to the look Chloe is giving him. “I should have never turned around, should have just left the moment I killed Cain...” Lucifer shakes his head, trying to banish the memories of that night and all the different scenarios he has created.

“But you didn’t,” Chloe responds, and she reaches out for Lucifer’s arm. “You turned around and finally gave me the proof I needed. Looking back on it, I was just happy to see you standing, see you alive. Do you even have any idea how it felt, to be standing on that roof while hearing gunshots and not knowing if you were ok or not?”

Lucifer whips his head around, catching her eyes. “What...”

“You could have been dead in there too for all I knew...” Chloe whispers. “And I don’t know how I would have ever have dealt with that. I don’t care about you being the Devil, Lucifer. And I don’t care about you having this face. At the end of the day, I care about you and the fact that you are still you.”

Her words strike him hard, and he feels pieces of himself start to fit back together again. “But what if I’m not...me...anymore...” he whispers.

“Lucifer,” Chloe says, voice stern and full of concern all at once. “You will always be you. You will always be a little selfish, really bad at communicating your emotions, and yet, you will always be there for me, no matter what I need. And that’s what I really love about you, you big dummy.”

Lucifer barely has time to process her words before Chloe is leaning in. Lucifer wants to pull back, knows he should pull back, but then her lips are pressed against his, and for the first time in weeks, Lucifer starts to remember all the different ways in which he isn’t a monster. Starts to remember all the good he has done, remembers why is started to become the person he has. He embraced the wings, embraced being something he never wanted to be, for her. A thing a monster never would have done....

Chloe pulls away, and when her eyes open, Lucifer watches as her breath catches. Her hand is back on his cheek and Lucifer waits to see her flinch again as she runs her thumb over his skin, but instead, he only sees a small smile start to tug at her lips.

“Now, there’s a face I have missed,” she says and Lucifer’s heart races.

“It’s gone..?” He asks, even though he is already sure of the answer.

“It’s gone,” Chloe responds before leaning her forehead against his. “You may have done things that aren’t always good, Lucifer, but that doesn’t make you a monster.”

Lucifer can only close his eyes as he leans into her touch. He breaths more easily than he has in weeks and can’t help the choked laugh that bubbles up in him. Chloe only holds him, though, and Lucifer is grateful. He never wants to let go, never wants to have to make that decision to protect her like that ever again. Right now, in this moment, she is safe. Her words ring in his ears, and while he may not completely agree with her at this moment, he believes her enough to have regained his face, and he knows that there’s a chance, with time, he might be able to lose his Devil’s face again entirely.

For now, however, he’s content to just stay in the moment and let the world decide where to carry him next, as long as his Detective is by his side.

**Author's Note:**

> Edited to say: you guys are all so kind! Thank you so much for your lovely words!


End file.
